


Joke-Married?

by letswritesomethings



Category: Naruto
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fake Marriage, Fluff, Getting Together, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Sort Of, and for the embarrassment i have to live with now as a naruto fic writer, idc about canon post-war so here ya go, me writing naruto fanfic in 2021? its more likely than you think, rated for light swearing, the marriage is real but also Not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:01:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29297067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letswritesomethings/pseuds/letswritesomethings
Summary: “I’m already married. To Sasuke.”“What? When?”“Like a month ago.”“Why?“Sakura is like 90% of our impulse control and we thought it’d be funny.”OrFive times people discussed Naruto and Sasuke’s marriage and one time Naruto and Sasuke (sort of) discussed it.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura & Uzumaki Naruto, Hatake Kakashi & Uzumaki Naruto, Kyuubi | Nine-tails | Kurama & Uzumaki Naruto, Nara Shikamaru & Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke & Umino Iruka, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto, Umino Iruka & Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 22
Kudos: 296





	Joke-Married?

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i literally started watching naruto last year and i technically havent completely finished shippuden so if theres blatant canon errors thats either me straight up not knowing or me blatantly ignoring it. ive never actually competed a 5+1 before i normally start them and then give up. this one took me like three months to get through but hey! i got it done in the end!
> 
> also its my first time writing for these two so pls be gentle. i hope you enjoy it! :)

**1\. Kakashi**

Kakashi was too old for this.

His hands fidgeted on his desk as he fought the urge to run them over his face. In front of him, his former student - his _adult_ former student - was complaining about the latest mission assignment.

“I don’t want to pretend to be in love with some random lady though. It sounds boring.”

“We’ve been through this Naruto. It’s only for a few weeks, you’re the best jonin for the job that’s currently in the village, and it’s just pretend. I’m not asking you to fall in love with a stranger - just to play house for a while.”

Naruto pouted in front of him.

“Why can’t you ask Shikamaru? Or Choji? They’re both in town. And perfectly qualified for this sort of thing!”

Kakashi sighed.

“She needs a fake fiance to avoid an arranged marriage meant to construct political ties between two small nations. Anyone we send would be investigated thoroughly and both Shikamaru and Choji are already married.”

Naruto blinked. A victorious smile slowly crept onto his face. Kakashi was positive he did not want to hear what would be said next.

“So, what you’re saying is that you can’t send someone who’s already married on this mission? Because that’s public information that could easily be found out?”

Kakashi gave a hesitant nod, unsure where this conversation was going.

“I’m already married. To Sasuke.”

Kakashi blinked. Once. Twice.

“What? When?”

“Like three months ago.”

“Why?”

“Sakura is like 90% of our impulse control and we thought it would be funny.”

Kakashi would love to be surprised by any of these answers. Would love to believe that his two former students - the two strongest ninjas in the world - hadn’t gotten married as a _joke_. But Kakashi wasn’t surprised. This sounded exactly like something the two dumbasses would do.

“So. Let me get this straight-” Naruto snickered at the word choice and Kakashi was tempted to try and jam his pen through his eye.

“You and Sasuke married each other as a _joke._ And then never told anyone? For three months?”

Naruto looked surprised at the revelation. As if he hadn’t considered that jokes actually have to be public knowledge to work as jokes.

“I guess we forgot?”

“You _forgot?_ ”

Naruto actually looked sheepish at the accusation. His hand nervously crept up to rub at his face.

“It isn’t that big of a deal.”

Kakashi squinted at him.

“Well, now you’re making me feel weird about it.”

Why were his students so dumb? Couldn’t one of them have been normal? Sakura is the most stable and she punches through an entire wall at least twice a week.

“I’m sorry for making you feel weird about being secretly joke-married to Sasuke for months, Naruto.” He deadpanned.

Naruto glared at him.

“Whatever. That means I can’t do the mission though right?”

Kakashi sighed in defeat.

“Did you get an official marriage? With a certificate?”

Naruto thought for a moment.

“I think so. The lady helping handed Sasuke a piece of paper but I didn’t really look at it.”

“Seriously? You don’t even know for sure whether or not your joke marriage is _official_?”

Naruto made an offended noise.

“I know it’s at least somewhat official. I wasn’t very concerned with the minor details when we did it though, okay?”

“A legally binding certificate is a _minor_ detail to you? What were you even paying attention to since you clearly weren’t concerned with the legal implications of getting married?” Kakashi asked in exasperation.

Naruto’s face immediately started going red at the question.

_Interesting._

“Look, it doesn’t matter. I’ll ask Sasuke about the certificate thing, but I’d look for someone else if I were you.”

And with that, Naruto bolted out of the room.

_More interesting._

Kakashi sat back in his chair with a sigh.

Part of him wanted to poke at these little details and see where they took him. Normally, he would - his students were fun to mess with after all.

But not this time.

Not with something like this. Not after all they went through.

If their little stunt and the talk he just had with Naruto could help them move forward then Kakashi wouldn’t mess with it.

He would guide them if they needed but would do his best to let it run its course without interference.

A small smile slipped onto Kakashi’s face as he started to look for other available shinobi.

He already knew where it would end up after all.

**2\. Sakura**

“SASUKE!”

Sakura was going to _kill them._

She watched the slight hesitation of his foot before Sasuke turned to face her, clearly deciding whether or not he wanted to deal with her today.

They were still working on increasing his daily social tolerance meter.

“Sakura.” He gave her a polite nod in greeting, ignoring the anger in her tone.

“I just saw Kakashi-sensei.”

He gave her a blank look. She glared.

“He told me something pretty interesting that Naruto said.”

Aside from the barely noticeable twitch at the mention of Naruto, his face remained blank.

Sakura made a frustrated noise.

“Want to explain what exactly Naruto means when he says that you two got _married_ as a _joke_?”

“Exactly that.”

She was going to kill him.

“Exactly what?”

“That we got married as a joke.”

She slammed her hand into her face.

She would not break another wall over this. Not over such a stupid reason or because of her stupid teammates. She refused.

“How is it a joke if you don’t even tell anyone?”

“I guess we forgot to,” Sasuke replied easily. His face now looked slightly bothered as if it was annoying to explain to one of his best friends that he had a _secret marriage_ to one of their other best friends.

“You forgot?”

“Yes.”

Still blank. She squinted at him. 

“How?”

“You were out of the village at the time. Must have forgotten by the time you came back.”

Sakura refused to believe they simply forgot to follow through with one of their jokes. Sasuke was clearly holding something back about the situation.

“What were you going to do after the reveal?” She asked.

“What do you mean?”

“After everyone found out. What were you guys going to do? Get it annulled? Keep it for tax reasons? Or did you forget about that part of the joke too?” She did her best to feign innocent curiosity and watched closely.

Her efforts were rewarded. There was the slightest twitch in Sasuke’s face. Most people wouldn’t notice it, but she had been in love with him when they were kids so Sakura considered herself an expert at Sasuke’s face. A little twitch of uncertainty, maybe some embarrassment. She waited for a response and with it came more information.

“Who knows?”

It was a complete shutdown. From his foot positioning to the tone of his voice, Sasuke closed off completely. Which meant the conversation was steering towards something he _really_ did not want to talk about. And Sakura was pretty confident about what it was.

She could do so much with that conversation.

There would be endless ammo to tease the two of them with and endless opportunities to annoy them.

But, she let it go.

Gave him a simple response before asking for a training session. She watched the subtle relief slip on and off his face without comment.

She knew better than to pry here. Everything was still too fragile for her to handle. It was too delicate for outsiders to look into and too delicate for the ones involved to bring to light. It needed time to take form and grow a tougher skin.

So, Sakura would let them dodge it for now and wait patiently.

But she would absolutely tease them about it mercilessly when the right time came.

**3\. Shikamaru**

Shikamaru was glad to run into a few friends. His morning appointments had been canceled and he wanted to go out for breakfast, but he wasn’t the type to linger in a restaurant alone.

So at first, running into Naruto and Sakura had been a welcome surprise. He was beginning to regret the decision to join them though.

“They need water every day, Sakura-chan! I trusted you.” Naruto whined, looking very much like a kicked puppy.

Sakura’s grip on her fork tightened and she looked to her plate.

“It’s not my fault. I’m not used to caring for plants.” She said defensively.

Shikamaru was impressed by her ability to stand up to Naruto’s expression - it tended to be extremely effective. Effective enough that Shikamaru was not very pleased when the expression turned to him.

“Shikamaru, you’re on my side right?”

Shikamaru made it exactly three seconds before caving - a new personal record.

“I mean, you did promise to take care of them for him.” He said, turning to Sakura.

She tried to glare at him, but he just shrugged in response.

“Fine. Consider it payback for not telling me about your secret joke-marriage.”

Shikamaru frowned at the statement. Naruto flailed, trying to shush her and sending frantic glances at Shikamaru.

“Shhh. No one else knows about it!”

“It was a joke?”

Naruto and Sakura both froze in place.

“You knew?!”

Shikamaru scoffed.

“Of course I knew. You two aren’t subtle at all and sometimes I work with the department that authorizes marriage licenses.”

Naruto’s head fell to the table in embarrassment.

“You knew and didn’t find it important enough to mention to the rest of us?” Sakura glared at him.

Shikamaru gave a shrug.

“If Naruto and Sasuke wanted to get a secret marriage that’s their business. I figured it would come out eventually.” He frowned.

“I didn’t realize it was a joke though. You two are a lot dumber than I thought.”

Naruto’s head shot back up.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Shikamaru attempted to give him his best _How stupid are you?_ look but the confusion remained on Naruto’s face. Leave it to those two to not realize. Shikamaru shook his head.

“Nothing. Forget about it.”

“But-”

“Are your plants going to be okay? The short one gets touchy without water doesn’t it?”

The effect was immediate and a bright smile was sent Shikamaru’s way.

“You remembered!”

Shikamaru sent a small smile back.

“Of course.”

Sakura sent him a few conspiratorial looks but the meet-up went on without further incidents.

Shikamaru was glad to get breakfast and see his friends.

He looked forward to the day when two of them would stop being so stupid though.

**4\. Iruka**

There was no reason for Iruka to feel so awkward about this. Sasuke was a former student and one of Naruto’s best friends - it shouldn’t be weird to eat a meal with him.

Looking at Sasuke’s face though, Iruka got the feeling he wasn’t the only one feeling uncomfortable about their little meet-up.

“So, Sasuke. How have you been doing? Adjusting well?”

“I suppose…”

Silence.

After years of spending time with hyperactive Naruto, Iruka almost felt out of practice now that he had to carry a conversation.

“I’m sorry for cutting into your schedule with this, I know you’re probably busy.”

Sasuke gave a short shrug.

“Not particularly. Missions have been slow lately.”

“Ah, you’ve noticed too? I suppose it’s a good thing because we’re closer to peace, but being a shinobi is odd without work, huh?”

Sasuke nodded. Iruka couldn’t help but wonder if he’s always been this quiet or if that’s a more recent thing. He couldn’t even compare his past experiences with Sasuke because Naruto was always present for those and Iruka got the feeling the two were seldom quiet when together.

Across from him, Sasuke sighed.

“Iruka-sensei, is there something you wanted to discuss with me?”

“Not particularly, but while we’re on the subject - I know you and Naruto have been spending a lot of time together-”

“Is this about the marriage thing?” Sasuke’s had suddenly gone from relaxed if a bit uncomfortable to outright annoyed.

“Everyone keeps bringing it up. And I appreciate that you want to look out for Naruto, but we get it already. It was a stupid thing to do.”

Iruka had a bad feeling about this. For someone with that much pride to call his own actions stupid, something significant must have happened. Something Iruka didn’t know about.

“I’m sorry, what marriage thing?” He asked politely.

Sasuke’s face paled.

“Were you not talking about the _thing_?”

Iruka quirked an eyebrow.

“I don’t know what this “thing” is so no, I don’t think so.”

Sasuke’s reaction was confusing. He was calm earlier, but now he almost seemed...nervous.

“What were you talking about then?”

“Well, like I said, I know you and Naruto are spending a lot of time together and I wanted to give you an open invitation to any of our weekly ramen meet-ups. You were my student once too and I want to know how you’re doing, but I also know that socializing isn’t your favorite thing-”

Iruka gestured to the tense atmosphere between them.

“-so I figured you would be more comfortable if Naruto was there as a buffer. At least to start. It’s a little selfish of me, but I always want to keep tabs on my former students.”

Sasuke looked sick and Iruka panicked.

“You don’t have to! I realize it’s a little rude of me to ask for your time when you’re so busy, I just thought it might be fun and you know I like being involved in Naruto’s life plus I haven’t made enough effort making sure you’re okay since you came back and-”

Sasuke held up a hand to stop him.

“I’m starting to think you’re the one responsible for Naruto’s rambling habit.”

Iruka laughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to overwhelm you.”

Sasuke hesitated before he spoke.

“I...appreciate the offer and-”

He broke off for a moment.

“-I’d like to take you up on it sometime.”

Iruka smiled wide.

“Of course, whenever you want.”

And for the first time since the start of the conversation, Sasuke had a small smile of his own to offer.

They sat together a while longer, discussing various small things. It wasn’t completely comfortable, but it wasn’t uncomfortable either. Before long, it was time for both to go and they were saying friendly goodbyes.

“Oh! By the way, Sasuke, what was that thing you were talking about earlier?”

The nervousness was back.

“Um- don’t worry about it, it isn’t anything important.”

Years of being a father figure kicked in and alarm bells went off in Iruka’s head. He crossed his arms and used his most stern tone of voice.

“Sasuke. What are you hiding from me?”

He could see the indecision. 

“It really isn’t a big deal and we can always undo it.”

“Sasuke.”

A sigh.

“Naruto and I got a legal marriage as a joke and didn’t tell anyone for three months.”

Processing.

Processing..

Processing…

“You did WHAT?”

Sasuke winced.

“It isn’t a big deal, we can get divorced.”

“I missed my son’s wedding?!”

“Like I said it was a JOKE- wait, did you just call Naruto your son?”

Iruka glared at him and Sasuke cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Anyway, I’m _really_ late and have to go. Thanks for the meal. I get it if you want to take back that offer from earlier.”

Iruka frowned at him.

“Just because you two are idiots doesn’t mean I’m going to disown you. It just means that I expect you for ramen sometime within the next three weeks as punishment, son-in-law.”

Iruka watched a blush color Sasuke’s cheeks, but a nod was sent his way.

With a quick jutsu sign, Iruka was left alone.

Iruka was a bit miffed that Naruto got married without telling him. He’d just have to force them to hold another ceremony whenever the two became official. Iruka didn’t think it would be much longer before that happened, especially since Sasuke showed up for ramen that very same week.

**5\. Kurama**

_“Honestly, the whole situation almost makes me happy that I got stuck inside you. At the very least you’re always entertaining.”_

_“Kurama, please I’m on a mission-”_

_“I mean agreeing to marry the guy you’ve been in love with forever as a joke? Who does that?”_

Naruto groaned out loud.

“Naruto-sensei are you okay? You seem like you’re in a bad mood.”

It was one of the genin that had been assigned to follow Naruto on his mission. Mostly it was to give the kids more experience while keeping them safe, but extra sets of hands never hurt.

_“See! Even now I’m waiting with bated breath to see what excuse you use!”_

_“I liked you better when you ignored me.”_

Naruto brought up his best smile.

“Yeah, sorry! I just realized I forgot to ask Sasuke to water my plants before I left.”

It wasn’t exactly a lie - Naruto had forgotten, but he also knew Sasuke would do it without being asked.

“Oh. You and Sasuke-sensei are pretty close, huh?”

_“Even the kid notices. You two should be more subtle and he should just be thankful that he isn’t stuck third wheeling you for eternity.”_

_“Kurama, I swear-”_

“Of course. We’re comrades. You should work to get along well with your comrades too.”

_“Does getting along usually involve getting married?”_

“I mean, yeah, of course. I just noticed that you two are almost always together.”

Naruto did his best to keep his face as neutral as possible.

“Oh, really?”

Kurama didn’t comment but deep laughter echoed in Naruto’s head.

“Yeah! Just the other day I saw you two at that new clothing shop. The one near the library.”

“Ah, yeah. We always check out new stores together when they pop up.”

The kid’s eyebrows went up.

“Really? Like dates?”

Naruto choked and the laughter inside increased.

“Um...not really? We’re just..uh..spending time together and we work well together so it’s convenient.”

“You work well together...at shopping?”

“Uhh. Yeah. We do.”

Naruto tried not to wince. The genin seemed too confused to finish the conversation and soon went back to hang around the others.

_“Hey, Naruto.”_

_“Naruto.”_

_“Oi, Brat!”_

Naruto sighed.

_“What?”_

_“You should tell Sasuke when you get back.”_

Naruto sent a glare in the distance at nothing in particular.

_“Fine.”_

“You better not bug me anymore though.”

Three pairs of eyes shot towards him.

“Naruto-sensei?”

Oops, looks like he’d said that out loud.

**+1 Naruto and Sasuke**

Naruto had been back for four days and everything was normal.

Painfully normal.

Naruto hadn’t said anything and Sasuke obviously hadn’t said anything. Even Kurama hadn’t been pushing Naruto to bring it up.

A lot of people thought that Naruto was stupid but he wasn’t _that_ stupid. He was pretty confident he knew Sasuke’s feelings. What he didn’t know was if the timing was right and, if it was, where they would go afterwards.

The thing between them had always been there. It was something deep and unyielding but it was delicate. Every time Naruto so much as poked at it he worried it would break completely and he’d lose Sasuke all over again.

Their entire lives Naruto had been chasing him. And Naruto would never get tired of it.

Sasuke had apologized a few times for all the trouble of their past. The apologies were always brief and his tone never held much emotion when they happened, but Naruto knew how to read Sasuke. Something hurt when he said them. Something that was too heavy to bring to the surface. Naruto wasn’t completely sure if it was guilt or sorrow or anger or something else entirely. He didn’t think Sasuke needed to feel those things but Sasuke also never listened to him.

In a matter like this, Naruto wasn’t sure if chasing would make that hurt deeper.

He’d always been the one taking the first step and making the bold moves forward. But maybe Sasuke didn’t want him to do that with something like this.

And if Naruto went and did it before they were sure...everything was so fragile…

He shook his head at himself. He’d been debating the pros and cons for too long. Everything was starting to blur together and he couldn’t tell which side was winning out anymore.

“You seem stressed.”

He nearly jumped. He’d forgotten that Sasuke was lying in the grass next to him. Maybe internally debating a confession to someone you’ve loved your entire life was odd when they were right next to you, but he also was already technically married to said person so Naruto wasn’t too worried about it. Besides, he always thought better when Sasuke was around - despite all of their arguments, Sasuke always made Naruto feel calm. 

“Hmm, I guess I am.”

“You guess? You’re not sure?”

“Well, I know I’m stressed, but it’s something I like thinking about so it isn’t really a bad thing.”

“What the hell? That makes no sense.”

Naruto was watching the sky and couldn’t see Sasuke’s face but he could picture how his nose wrinkled the slightest bit as he said that.

“Maybe not. You know what I mean though.” Naruto smiled as he said it.

Sasuke breathed out evenly next to him.

“Yeah. I do.”

They lapsed back into silence for a while. Both of them content to be still for once. Neither was running, neither was chasing.

“Were you…”

Naruto waited.

_Patience._

Patience always got him where he needed to go with Sasuke.

“Were you thinking about me? Is that why you’re maybe-stressed?”

Huh. Sasuke still managed to surprise him sometimes.

“I guess so.”

“What’s with all these guesses? Figure out your feelings idiot.”

Naruto snorted.

“I’ll figure out my feelings about you when you figure out your feelings about me.”

Sasuke kicked at Naruto’s foot but neither of them sat up.

“Dumbass.”

Naruto thought they were going to lapse back into silence. Leave the subject there so as to not disturb the glass. But Sasuke spoke some more.

“I already figured out most of them.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. If you’re still working on the big ones you must be dumber than I thought.”

Oh.

Naruto envisioned footprints ahead of him. For once, he hesitated to follow.

“The big ones?” He asked.

“Yeah. You know - the gross ones.” Sasuke’s voice held no disgust.

“The gross ones,” Naruto repeated. He smiled slightly at the comment but it slid into a frown.

Naruto wanted Sasuke to stop. It felt too soon. Too delicate. Naruto could almost hear the cracks forming from the strain. He didn’t want to hear the shatter if Sasuke continued speaking. He opened his mouth to change the subject -

“Yes, stupid. The gross ones. The ones where we’re in love with each other.”

Naruto shut his eyes.

Nothing broke. Sasuke didn’t leave. Everything was still just as always.

Sasuke kicked his foot once more.

“Oi, are you listening? You should seriously pay more attention sometimes.”

His eyes opened. 

“What?”

“I’m talking about our feelings for each other.”

“You are?”

“Yeah, and you’re apparently ignoring me.”

“I’m not!”

Sasuke sighed next to him. Naruto didn’t dare look over.

“Look, I know it’s normally one of our taboo topics. But, I had to bring it up at some point. It’s okay if you’re not ready to talk about it yet.”

Oh.

Naruto had been looking away too much. He hadn’t realized Sasuke had already reinforced the glass. He hadn’t realized that he was the one who wasn’t ready to breach the subject.

“I thought it was you.” He said.

“What? Of course it’s me. Who else would you be in love with?”

Naruto could feel his face get red. Apparently, Sasuke was _very_ ready considering how he’s already said “love” twice and Naruto could barely even think it.

“No, asshole. I thought I was the one waiting for you with... _this_.” He gestured frantically between the two of them.

Sasuke scoffed.

“Obviously not.”

“Obviously,” Naruto repeated weakly.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring it up just now. Take more time. I can wait for you too.”

And Naruto heard the “forever” and the “as long as it takes” even if they weren’t said aloud. He heard “I love you” clear as a bell in that sentence.

“You know, I don’t really want to take more time. You aren’t as patient as me.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I waited for you to come home for like three years. And you could barely make it like a minute without trying to kill me when we were reunited.”

Sasuke made a noise of protest next to him.

“That doesn’t even count. I was tired and you guys had woken me up.”

“Oh, so sorry we woke you up trying to save you from the evil snake man who wanted to steal your body.”

“Whatever. Besides you were the one who could barely make it through the marriage speech when we did the ceremony. You didn’t even look at the certificate.”

Naruto blushed. They would probably need to have a deeper discussion about the marriage at some point.

“I was distracted.”

Sasuke huffed a laugh next to him.

“Clearly.”

And then they went silent for a moment.

“I mean that though. I don’t need more time.”

He felt Sasuke shift next to him.

“Naruto.”

He turned on his side so they were lying face to face.

“Yeah?”

“Are you sure about this?”

And there was something unsure in Sasuke’s eyes. Something hesitant. Naruto brushed his fingers on the glass in his mind.

“Yeah. I want to move forward.”

“Okay.” 

Sasuke’s voice was small, but it sounded happy.

He felt a foot knock lightly against his. It didn’t move away though. The single point of contact was confident and firm.

Naruto shut his eyes and smiled.

Then he pressed back.

**Author's Note:**

> i swear the plus one was written for this fic idk why it turned out so different from the rest of the story. i liked it a lot though so i didnt want to change it even though it didnt exactly match the rest. also i did minimal proof reading for the second half so im sorry if there were any weird inconsistencies (my brain has no patience for editing anymore once its actually finished, i just want to get it posted :/) i am just very excited for my drafts box to finally be free of this it has been So Long
> 
> anyway, i hope you liked it! i always love getting comments so id love to hear your thoughts or reactions <3 thank you!!


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